Twas The Night Before Christmas - Scott's Version

First, I'm not a poet! Second, this is the best I could do. Third . . . well, there is no third.

‘Twas the night before Christmas and all through the house,
The only creatures stirring, were the dratted cat and her toy mouse,
She raced through the house, like a bat out of hell,
Knowing that she should be sleeping, good and well
Did any of that matter?
Hell no, which explained all the clatter

Scott leapt from the bed, madder than Comet
And lo and behold, he stepped in cat vomit
That little Squeaky cat, the one he loved so dear,
Had better be able to fly like Santa’s reindeer!
For when Scott finally catchers her, that sweet little louse,
His tossing her butt, right out of the house!

Twas the night before Christmas, and all through the house,
Not a creature was stirring, not even the dratted toy mouse
Scott was snuggled all snug in his bed,
With visions of sugar plums dancing in his head.
When all of a sudden, there arose such a clatter,
Scott leapt from the bed to see what was the matter!

Lo and behold, that tricky black cat,
Had snuck back in the house, and was wearing a shiny black hat,
She grinned at me evilly, the little louse,
And just for spite, she batted at the toy mouse

No sleeping for you, she seemed to say,
I’m a cat, and nighttime is the time I play,
You can crawl back in bed,
And put a pillow over your head,
But I’ll yowl and howl, and dash through the house,
Making as much noise as I can with this lovely little mouse

Santa might come, down the chimney, with a shout,
But there’s no way in hell you’re putting me back out

I’m here for the night, and I’ll sleep all through the day,
Dash away, dash away, night time is for play!

Scott knew that the dratted little cat was right,
He wasn’t about to get any sleep this night.
With a sigh and a yawn, he knew it would be a dang long time until dawn.

So, with that thought in mind, he picked up the cat’s ball,
He tossed it through the air, and said Merry Christmas to All!!!